The really specific taxonomy of Killers songs no one asked for

I have about six drafts of interesting posts that are about 75% done and I just can't focus enough to clean any of them up. So instead, I'm going to share a thing I've been working on for literally no reason in a spreadsheet I keep for myself.

It's fall, which is the time of year where I listen to the Killers constantly, so here's every Killers song categorized thematically according to my own arbitrary designations. I considered making this a TikTok, and maybe I still will, but in the meantime I'm foisting this wildly niche content on you.

I'm So Repulsed By My Girlfriend That I Might Do A Murder About It

• "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine"
• "Midnight Show"
• "Leave The Bourbon On The Shelf"
• "All The Pretty Faces"
• "Under The Gun"
• "Move Away"
• "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town"

Bisexual Misery

• "Mr. Brightside"
• "Somebody Told Me"
• "Andy, You're A Star"
• "Who Let You Go?"
• "Where The White Boys Dance"
• "The Ballad of Michael Valentine"

This small town... it's so stifling.... and has given me so much grit....

• "Sam's Town"
• "Bling (Confessions of a King)"
• "Read My Mind"
• "This River Is Wild"
• "This Is Your Life"
• "Battle Born"
• "Blowback"

This small town is sad and in the throes of the opioid crisis :(

• All of Pressure Machine

Drugs are bad!!!!!

• "Believe Me Natalie"
• "Uncle Jonny"
• All of Pressure Machine

You and Me, Baby, Let's Hit The Open Road

• "Runaways"
• "Tidal Wave"
• "Dying Breed"
• "Caution"
• "Imploding the Mirage"

Sepia-toned sadness at the way that childish innocence fades and disillusionment sinks in

• "Smile Like You Mean It"
• "When You Were Young"
• "Tyson vs Douglas"
• I guess also all of Pressure Machine

I am aging and will one day die

• "For Reasons Unknown"
• "Goodnight, Travel Well"
• "When The Dreams Run Dry"

Sex is fun but scary!!!

• "On Top"
• "Bones"
• "Joy Ride"

The Album Needs A Slow Song

• "Everything Will Be Alright"
• "My List"
• "A Dustland Fairytale"
• "Be Still"

*Eric Andre at the gates voice* Take me baaaaack!

• "Change Your Mind"
• "Show You How"
• "Forget About What I Said"
• "The Way It Was"
• "Shot At The Night"

I Gotta Shape Up And Be A Better Man

• "Flesh and Bone"
• "The Man"
• "Fire in Bone"
• "All These Things That I've Done"

We can have a silly little novelty song, as a treat

• "Enterlude"/"Exitlude"
• "Questions For The Captain"
• "Prize Fighter"

Being in a band

• "Glamourous Indie Rock and Roll"

Marriage Is Hard But We'll Make It Work

• "A Matter of Time"
• "Carry Me Home"
• "The Life to Come"
• "Out of My Mind"
• "My Own Soul's Warning"
• "Lighting Fields"
• "Running Towards a Place"

Depression is hard

• "Rut"
• "Some Kind of Love"
• "Have All The Songs Been Written?"
• "My God"

Life in this modern age is hard

• "The World We Live In"
• "Deadlines and Commitments"
• "Money On Straight"

I'm overwhelmed and need Jesus

• "Why Do I Keep Counting?"
• "Sweet Talk"
• "The Rising Tide"
• "Wonderful Wonderful"
• "The Calling"

Ah, My Lost Love! What Could Have Been!

• "I Can't Stay"
• "Here With Me"
• "Miss Atomic Bomb"
• "Just Another Girl"

Life, man. What's it all about?

• "Human"
• "Tranquilize"
• "The World We Live In"
• "From Here On Out"

An excuse for Brandon to say "Daddy"

• "Daddy's Eyes"
• "Heart of a Girl"
• "Oh Yeah, By The Way"

Portrait of an insane man

• "Losing Touch"
• "Spaceman"
• "Run for Cover"

Tigers are neat

• "Neon Tiger"

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